e's house

Interviewer : “I want to know what you did the past week.”

This past week was a time for me to recharge. No, I actually didn’t even get to rest that well. I went on several variety shows, and did various CFs and photo shoots. I’ve been working on Girls’ Generation’s upcoming Japanese album. I also went to Taiwan for a fashion event. Speaking of it now, it seems like I’ve become busy again. Still, this week was a time for me to rest. When I have free time, I don’t go out a lot. I am most comfortable staying at home, and I enjoy being at home the most. I just watch old movies and bum around. Although it seems like I’m dawdling, there were actually a lot of things that I learned during that time.

Interviewer : “I watched you make your musical debut in ‘Legally Blonde’ as Elle Woods. I was a bit surprised when I saw how perfectly you played the role. You also made an attempt in acting through the drama ‘Wild Romance’. Is there an area of work, other than singing, that you’re interested in?”

Singers of this generation are entertainers too. You can’t just sing. I think of this as a chance, and I want to bring out my hidden potential. While I should give other areas a try, acting is appealing to me. Acting is a work that follows your heart. You have to create emotions that suit the character, and those feelings have to change with the flow of the story. I got to experience more than I originally expected. I want to learn acting and experience it some more.

Interviewer : “You said that you want to play the role of a player that isn’t hated. Do you have a good idea for that character?”

I don’t think it’s a job that I can do alone. It might be possible with the help of a writer or director. How would it be like, cheating in a cheerful, cute, and loveable manner? Haha, I don’t even know if it makes sense but I can imagine it as a successful character.

Interviewer : “Guys talk about Jessica’s cold charm. They say they like it because they think you’re the scary type.”

In one word, “Euing?” I’m not a scary girl, but it isn’t bad hearing that. I hear that I have a cold image and that I seem arrogant, so it must be because of the way I look. Of course, I believe that is only one image amongst all the other images that I have. I am usually shy around strangers. My image is more comfortable with people that I’m close with. The nicknames that my friends call me are the total opposite. They call me “heodang” and “jinguk” (someone who doesn’t lie).

Interviewer : “So that’s the twist in Jessica’s beauty.”

I don’t know about anything else, but I’m the type who tries to go on for a long time when dating someone. The fact that someone is ‘my person’ is important to me. Park Minyoung unnie, who I can tell anything to, is a person that I have been friends with since before my debut. Rather than knowing a lot of people, I find that knowing more about a person is more important.

Interviewer : “You’re maturing from a girl to a woman, but I heard you haven’t been on a blind date.”

That’s right. I don’t know what people do when they meet on a blind date, but I think I’d prefer an ordinary date. Eating ddukbokki on the street, and going to an amusement park. I ride scary rides well! But what if the person I’m meeting is afraid of them? Darn, the date could be ruined then.

Interviewer : “A new transformation was shown through your new album, “The Boys”. I think the past five years was a time when you grew from a girl to a woman.”

It’s going to be five years since we’ve debuted already. Time really flies. I always did think a lot but I think nowadays I’m doing it a lot more. I’m trying to become a little more cautious. I think I’ve become more understanding of people around me compared to before. I try to understand others people’s tendencies and relationships. I’ve been able to laugh off a lot of things between myself and others, but it’s still difficult trying to look at things from their perspectives.

Interviewer : “You’re the game ender in plain-clothes fashion. Is there a secret behind your styling?”

I think people have liked my style because I wear things that other people can copy, rather than dressing up. I personally don’t like styles that stand out. If you open my closet at home, my clothes are mostly plain. There are a lot of simple clothing like oxfords, jeans, t-shirts, and cardigans. Since they’re all similar styles, it’s easy to mix and match, as well as layer them. You can take one piece and make numerous outfits. No matter how flashy the design of an outfit is, as long as it’s uncomfortable, I won’t think of it as good clothing. It will be uncomfortable not only for the person wearing it, but for others seeing it as well.

Interviewer : “Then can you suggest a fashion that would be fitting for a summer vacation spot?”

I want to go to Santorini, Greece. I think it’s a place that really suits summer. Have you seen the movie “Mamma Mia”? There’s a scene where Amanda Seyfreid, who plays Meryl Streep’s daughter, wears a white one piece with her blonde hair swaying. While the trend has passed already, I want to go around there wearing a white eyelet dress that I personally like. I think the babydoll style, taken from Dolce & Gabbana’s collection, would also suit that scenery.

Interviewer : “Is there a special vacation you remember?”

New York. I visited there around this time last year. I met some friends in New York, had brunch with them, and went shopping while having chocolate-covered strawberries. I thought to myself, “This is what a vacation is for me”. I think I’m a natural-born “city girl”, seeing as I enjoy simple things like these over luxurious vacation spots in Southeast Asia.

Interviewer : “Is there a side of Jessica “only Jessica knows” that you’re sad about people not noticing?”

I don’t want to tell you. I have to be the only one who knows for it to be a secret.

Interviewer : “The biggest worry for girls in the summer is dieting. Is there any advice you can give?”

A personal trainer comes to my house. I don’t exercise consistently every day, only when I want for as long as I want. Because this is someone whom I’ve worked with for a long time, the trainer knows my condition the best, and teaches me exercises that I should be able to do well. There isn’t any other treatment I receive. When I don’t have to go on television, I eat whatever I want. I don’t think diets should be done under stress.

Interviewer : “What are your future schedules?”

Starting in June, I think there will be more Girls’ Generation schedules as opposed to individual ones. Our Japanese album will be released sometime in the second half of the year. We’re working hard on it. Other than that, I think we will be able to make various appearances in other countries.

Interviewer : “What is the picture of the future that you dream of?”

I want to have a happy family sometime, with lots of laughter like my family now, and with sisters that have a good relationship with each other like myself and Krystal. But finding a “happy me” comes first for now. I’m the type that gains happiness from little things. For example, I’m the type that feels like she’s got the whole world in her grasp just by eating something good. Having a greater happiness after finding smaller ones; that’s my goal in life.

Interviewer : “What would you do if you were given a day when you could do anything?”

A day is too short. Can’t you give me more time? I would just stay at home. You said I can use supernatural powers too, right? Then because time is short, I think teleportation would be good. I want to go to New York again, meet the same friends, and spend a fun day with them like I did before. While it is unfortunate, I would have to come back home before the day ends. Before my powers disappear. 

Source : ELLE Girl Magazine | Translation by : ch0sshi@soshified

Shared by : audrey@koreanupdates.com

Engkaulah getar pertama yang meruntuhkan gerbang tak berujungku mengenal hidup.

Engkaulah tetes embun pertama yang menyesatkan dahagaku dalam cinta tak bermuara.

Engkaulah matahari Firdausku yang menyinari kata pertama di cakrawala aksara.

Kau hadir dengan ketiadaan. Sederhana dalam ketidakmengertian.

Gerakmu tiada pasti. Namun, aku terus disini.

Mencintaimu

Entah kenapa.

(Supernova: Kesatria, Putri, & Bintang Jatuh by Dee)

Bulan ini sangat penuh. Penuh pengalaman yang menyita semuanya. Waktu, pikiran, perasaan dan tentunya, dompet. Dan hal-hal seperti ini, bakal terus membekas sampe gue mati.
Mengejar Super Junior itu hal yang sulit. Apalagi kalo gak punya duit (kenyataan aja). Mereka itu cuma idola gue (yang bahkan saat ini gue bukanlah ELF, cuma seorang Jewels. Hanya benar-benar suka pada satu member, Eunhyuk), tapi mau bertemu mereka aja gue harus mengorbankan banyak. Rugi kah? Nggak juga. Rugi sih pasti ada, tapi kalau untungnya lebih banyak gue gak keberatan.
Karena Super Junior pada akhirnya gue harus menginap di Twin Plaza. Untuk mendapatkan voucher, gue harus mengantri dan menunggu selama ±26 jam. Dan saat itulah gue bener-bener jadi seseorang yang bersabar, hal yang jarang gue bisa lakukan dengan ikhlas.
Disana gue melihat gimana suatu promotor bekerja menghadapi banyaknya konsumen, berusaha memberikan yang terbaik. Belajar menangkap kelebihan dan kekurangan suatu promotor itu asyik aja. Bukan untuk dicemooh, tapi gue yakin suatu saat manajemen yang mereka lakukan itu akan gue butuhkan taktiknya.
Belum puas cuma dengan nonton konser, gue dan teman-teman mau mencoba menginap sehotel dengan Super Junior. Jadilah sekitar sejak H-10, pikiran gue tersita cuma untuk cari informasi tentang ini. Mencari info ini ternyata sulit juga, tapi membawa gue untuk jadi lebih kenal banyak orang. Dan jadi tahu banyak kepribadian orang.
Ada 2 tempat yang jadi perkiraan kita bakal jadi tempat Super Junior tinggal.
H-2 kedatangan Super Junior, dengan penuh resiko kita (gue, Meika dan Dhea booked kamar di Sheraton Hotel. Gak bisa lupa atas bantuan Hana, Miranda, Elfira dan Wanda :)
Dan pada hari H Suju datang, ternyata Suju menginap di perkiraan kita yang satunya.
Kecewa? Iya. Tapi gue pribadi puas karena udah sejauh ini, dan kita berani ambil keputusan. Daripada gak sama sekali, lalu akhirnya nyesal? Gak banget.
Yang bikin kita bangga, ini semua pake uang kita sendiri :””’D lmao
Selama UTS, pikiran gak ada di ujian. Jujur ini UTS terwoles yang pernah ada di hidup gue karena selama seminggu penuh perhatian gue tercurah sama Super Junior. Once again, I know the risk I’ll get.
Menginap di Sheraton itu banyak banget lucunya. Makasih yaa Dhea dan Meika atas satu malam sok kaya nya :”D Selalu bikin ketawa sendiri kalo diinget-inget dan gak bikin nyesel.
Besoknya, check out dari Sheraton langsung antri tukar voucher ke tiket yang berupa gelang. Lumayan, disini antri 5 jam. Gue merasa bersyukur dapat Junior VIP L BA017. Karena katanya kalo C itu udah jauh banget dari stage.
Di hari H konser, gue dateng ke sana jam 12.00 bareng Astrini, Fitri dan Dina. Pas sampe venue, anjrit tempat gue jauh banget emang dari stage. Tapi keseluruhan stage sih keliatan. Muka Super Junior nya sih boro-boro.
Sebelum konser dimulai, gue mikir. Tidak boleh berharap atas fanservice kalau duduk di Junior VIP. Sudah jelas promotor bilang, yang dapat fanservice hanya standing section.
Dan fuck, the opening was fucking mindblowing. I swear I cried so much tears waktu lampu mati, dan gue mulai menjadi bagian lautan lampu biru safir. Bertambah-tambah waktu musik akhirnya dimulai. Fuck, this is what I’ve been waiting for fucking 3 years. Dulu gue rasa gue gak akan jadi bagian event besar ini, dan sekarang gue duduk, 4 jam kedepan bakal menikmati apa yang dulu cuma bisa gue bayangkan.
Diakhir konser, gue mulai bisa paham dimana letak kepuasan standing dan seating. Standing itu menyiksa, tapi puas liat orang ganteng dari dekat. Seating itu gak capek, jadi gak bisa berharap dijamah orang ganteng.
Asiknya, gue bisa ‘ngeh banget’ sama tata panggung dan lighting kalo di seating. Anjing itu keren mampus. Konser terkeren yang pernah gue datengin. Beda banget waktu gue nonton B2ST, gue di Festival dan puasnya liat para member. Tapi gue gak bisa paham-paham banget sistem panggung dan tata cahayanya gimana.
Intinya gue baru bisa merasakan atmosfir konser yang benar-benar awesome itu kalo gue sadar akan tata panggung, pencahayaan, dan sistem suara. Dan gue dapet atmosfir itu di Junior VIP. Karena gue konsen liat stage, bukan para member.
Overall, gue kurang puas. Tapi tidak menyesal. Itulah rasanya kalau mengambil pilihan buruk di antara yang paling buruk. Setidaknya ambil salah satu pilihan diawal, biar gak nyesel di akhir. Sesuatu yang baru bakal ada di saat-saat kita menjalani pilihan itu.
Well, thank God gue belajar sesuatu lagi hari ini. Btw, gue selalu berteriak saat konser, tapi gak pernah manggil “Oppa~ Oppa~” Hari ini, EunHae membuat gue gagal.
Terus, suara gue juga gak ilang. Dua kali konser, teriak seru banget, tapi gak pernah keilangan suara. Jadi penasaran, konser siapa yang bakal bikin suara gue abis ya?

Keadaan lagi tidak baik. Sebenarnya keadaan tidak pernah menjadi benar-benar baik. Tapi kali ini skalanya sedang tinggi sekali sampai bicara aja seperti jadi hal yang sangat sulit.

Ketika kita tahu bahwa kita sedang berpikir, tapi kita bahkan tidak tahu apa yang terlintas di otak.
Ketika seseorang bertanya “kenapa?” dan lidah terasa kelu karena kita tidak yakin akan apa yang kita rasakan.
Ketika yang lain bertanya apa saja yang telah terjadi dan hanya otak yang bisa mengulang semua kejadiannya. Bibir hanya mengatup.
Ketika luka jelas menganga lebar namun kita tak merasakan apapun.
Ketika tangis dan tawa sudah tidak ada bedanya lagi.

Dan disaat seperti itu, gue selalu teringat perkataan dua orang ini.
Pertama, yang satu berkata. “Semua kan ada waktunya, Cha.” Pernah sangat tertohok akan perkataannya. But I know he is right dan itu membuat harapan kembali ke permukaan.

Kedua, yang lainnya berkata. “Kamu harus bisa mengapresiasikan hidupmu sendiri. Kamu berhak merayakan apapun yang terjadi dalam hidupmu.”
Dan pada saat dia mengatakan itu, gue cuma pengen peluk dia dan menangis sejadinya. Karena dia bahkan bukan orang yang menurut gue penting. Bukan keluarga. Bukan teman, bahkan sahabat. Baru beberapa bulan kenal. Hanya bertemu 4.5 jam setiap minggunya. Tapi dia bisa membuat gue menyadari apa yang selama ini salah.

Jadi, sekecewa apapun nantinya, harus bisa tetap tersenyum. Sudah usaha, sudah berkorban, sudah membuat diri ini rusak. Sehancur-hancurnya jiwa ini, ini tetap diri gue sendiri. Tak akan bisa pindah. Pilihannya: setia atau gila.

Today is Mum’s bday. 생일 축하해요, 엄마!
Seperti tahun-tahun sebelumnya, setiap ulang tahun berjalan biasa aja. Gue tidak terbiasa untuk mengucapkan those very sweet words ke orang tua gue kalau mereka ulang tahun. Hanya ucapan dan doa. Dan yang paling bernilai bukan kata-kata mutiara, tapi ketulusannya.
No kiss and no hug. Semua orang bisa bilang itu datar. Beberapa orang bilang gue memang orang yang datar. I can’t express myself really well. One of my friend said that I’m expresionless. Well, that’s true.
So, I’m sorry Mum for being such a datar daughter. Semua konflik yang terjadi sepanjang tahun. Semua perkataan yang sudah kakak lontarkan. Gue mengatakan semua yang gue pikirkan kalau berhadapan sama nyokap. Dan selalu ada salah satu diantara kita yang tersakiti.
Kita tidak begitu terbuka seperti sahabat. Karena bukan itu yang nyokap inginkan. Setiap orang boleh menginginkan untuk membentuk hubungan menjadi seperti apa yang mereka mau. Dan nyokap ingin membentuk itu seperti ibu dan anak. Some people said itu hubungan yang tak terbatas. Meskipun sebenarnya antara gue dan nyokap ada. Tak terbaca, tak terlihat, tak tersentuh, tak tertulis, tidak dibuat berdasarkan kesepakatan. Tapi terasa.
Nyokap selalu menjadi yang terbaik. Tapi mungkin gue tidak bisa menjadi anak yang selalu baik. Nyokap bertumpu pada gue. Tapi kadang gue mengelak dijadikan harapan. Nyokap berusaha mengerti gue tanpa sepengetahuan gue. Tapi gue terus menutup-nutupi semua hal di hidup gue. Nyokap berusaha menyenangkan gue. Dan gue menafsirkannya berbeda.
Selalu ada yang tidak sejalan. Itu karena kita berdua terlalu mirip dari segi sifat.
Gue tidak pernah bilang gue sayang nyokap, cinta nyokap, terimakasih Bu, atau maafin kakak Bu. Tanpa diperingatkan pun gue yakin akan menyesal nantinya karena tidak mengungkapkan apa yang harusnya dia ketahui.
Jadi gue cuma bisa nulis disini. I know she will find ways to get here. Just like my Dad did in the past.
Terima kasih Bu atas segalanya. Ibu selalu bilang “ibu gasuka kaka begini.” “Nah, ibu senang kalau kakak begitu.” Tapi nyokap mungkin gak tahu apa yang gue pikirkan.
So Mum, I’ll let you know. Jangan pernah saling judge lagi karena itu gak asik. I love sharing things with you. I love it when you come to my room only to see what I’m doing. I hate it when you turn the internet off. I love it when you ask me how my Korean class is going. I hate it when you look so tired. I love it when we agree to share the same clothes.
Mum, selamat ulang tahun. Jangan sakit. Please, kalau dokter bilang harus dirawat, jangan pernah nolak lagi. I’m a wreck daughter, I can’t protect you well. Jangan buat kakak takut. Don’t be so stubborn Mum.
Always be by my side, Bu. Sampai kakak gak pernah ada lagi di dunia ini. I love you, Mum. Selamat ulang tahun. Selalu bahagia. Panjang umur. Dan semoga selalu punya banyak rezeki.
I’m so sorry.